Aylan Chabetaye Gelder Dabah

Aylan was born on February 23, 2020. His naming ceremony was originally scheduled for March 21, but we canceled it because of the rapidly unfolding Covid-19 pandemic. We shared the following speech, readings, blessings and birthday traditions at Aylan’s 1st birthday and naming ceremony celebration on February 20, 2021 via zoom. (You can watch it here: https://youtu.be/T2cgBSupH04)  

The reason for his names.  

Choosing a name for our baby was not an easy thing for us to do. It was the very last thing we did before leaving the hospital after our 2 day stay. For the first two days of his life, he was Baby Boy Gelder. But we figured, he needed more than that. Charles and I come from different Jewish traditions. In the Ashkenazi tradition, we name after someone who has passed. In the Sephardic tradition, you name for someone who is living. And so we’ve combined our traditions, while also giving Baby Boy Gelder a name that is significant to us. 

We’ll start with his last names. We couldn’t choose just one. To honor both our families, we gave him both our names, unhyphenated. Gelder Dabah.  

As Charles shared at Aylan’s naming, “For his first name we chose the name Aylan. The search for a boy’s name proved fairly elusive for us. We poured over lists of names casting aside one after another, and when we finally thought we might have settled on one, one of us would come back the next day sour on it. When all seemed exhausted, I think it was Hannah that mentioned the idea of looking into Syrian boy’s names. When I came upon the name Aylan, it was because of an iconic picture that defined and in many ways still defines a never ending global refugee crisis. When I first saw the picture in 2015 of Aylan Kurdi, a Syrian refugee, laying face down on a Turkish beach, a Turkish soldier looking at his lifeless body, it shook me to my core. When I revisited the picture before I wrote this, it of course felt different. Being a father has changed me profoundly, has let me in on what it means to love a child so fiercely. When people have asked us how we came to name our son Aylan, the image comes rushing back, and a sad, bittersweet story comes out. But I imagine Aylan Kurdi’s mother and brother, who also died trying to reach Greece from Turkey on a boat that is not meant to cross the Mediterranean. And I think of his father, who miraculously lived while trying to save his family. They were reaching desperately for the ideals of this world we all strive for: liberty, and happiness and fairness and opportunity. As Aylan grows up and asks us where his name came from, we hope to not only shed light on the inequity and injustices of our world, but also the resilience and courage of boys like Aylan Kurdi who were forced to leave everything they knew in hopes of a better, more just life.”

For his middle name we gave him the name Chabetaye. Chabetaye will also be his Hebrew name. Chabetaye is Charles’ maternal grandfather. He was born in 1925 and raised in Aleppo, Syria. He immigrated to the United States after the 2nd world war and Holocaust. He is resilient and adapted to the many changes life brought him. We are blessed that Chabetaye is still living today. He is an incredibly warm and generous man, who cares deeply about his family. He doesn’t sweat the small things in life and stays focused on what’s important -- and to him that is family and faith. 

Following my Ashkenazi tradition, we chose this name because it begins with a C. The name Chabetaye is also in honor of my cousin Chris, who passed away in 2018. Chris had a kind and gentle spirit. He was a talented artist in both music and the visual arts as well as being a skilled scientist. He had an incredible memory, listened closely to the people he was with and was one of the most thoughtful people I ever knew. Family was also important to him. 

Aylan we hope that you will take after both your namesakes. May you be generous and resilient like your great-grandfather, creative and compassionate like your cousin Chris, and may you always be rooted in the love of your family and radiate that love outward to others. 

Speaking of roots, the name Aylan means Oak Tree in Hebrew. Oak trees are associated with strength. They are resilient. Naima Penniman, an artist, activist, healer, grower, and educator reflected on how the Oak Trees held their ground during and after Hurricane Katrina. “Instead of digging its roots deep and solitary into the earth, the oak tree grows its roots wide and interlocks with other oak trees in the surrounding area. You cannot bring down a hundred oak trees bound beneath the soil!” 

Aylan, we hope you will spread your roots wide and find your strength by binding together with those that love you and who are in the struggle with you to make this earth a more kind, joyful and compassionate place.  

Aylan, we also hope you will have a deep and authentic relationship to the natural world. As some wise person wrote, “She has the capacity to link us to the deeper dimensions of life, to help us in the journey to heal ancestral trauma, and to awaken sacred powers that are our birthrights as human beings.” Now we’ll turn it over to your grandparents for two readings about oak trees. First Grandma and Papa Mike, then Grammy and Poppy. 

Readings. 

By Morgan Mann Willis, a Black storyteller and maker of spaces: 

“I believe in the honesty of trees. … I look at the anatomy of trees as one of nature’s examples of successful organizing that realizes that our power is in our ability to both be fiercely centered and grounded but also infinitely reaching towards our unique sources of energy, light and growth. Each tree’s elements are reliant on one another but totally unique in form and function. There is no competition or pressure to be the root or the trunk or the buds that bloom. Each tree is a universe, a master delegator, a puzzle and a puzzle piece. They have encouraged me ... to focus on how to create systems and support efforts where everyone is important and clear on how their work is unique, crucial and totally interconnected.”

"When I am Among the Trees" by Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It's simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

Jewish Naming Ceremony. 

Rabbi Brant Rosen, who officiated at Hannah’s Bat Mitzvah and Hannah & Charles’ wedding, led the naming ceremony. 

This ceremony is about welcoming you into the covenant. Being a part of the covenant is about connection, being part of a community, being accountable to one another, and the community being accountable to you as well. That’s what it means to be Jewish and to be a member of the human race. Aylan’s name is part of his own identity, it connects him to his family members, his history, as well as the Jewish people.

Covenant blessing

God remembers the covenant forever.  The word commanded to a thousand generations made with Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob, Leah and Rachel, an everlasting covenant with Israel. We praise you Adonai who establishes the covenant, and we say, Amen. 

We praise you, Adonai our God, sovereign of creation who has hallowed us with miztvot and has commanded us to bring this young man into the covenant with Abraham and Sarah. 

Naming Blessing

Our god of our mothers and fathers, sustain this child through his parents' love and care, let him be known among the people Israel by the name Aylan Chabetaye, son of Chana and Chabetaye. May Aylan’s name be a source of joy to him and inspire him to serve the Jewish people and all humankind. May his parents rejoice in his growth of body and soul as they have this past year and in the many years to come. As they have brought Aylan into the covenant so may they, with wisdom and patience, lead him to a life of study, a life of just deeds and compassion, to friendships worthy of God’s blessing and a loving community that he will serve and will stand together with him. Let us all say: Amen. 

Kiddish & Motzi

We blessed the wine and the bread.

Priestly Blessing

We wrapped Aylan in a talit (prayer shawl) that Chabetaye gave Charles for our wedding. Rabbi Brant explained that this prayer has three parts. 1) For physical needs: Shelter, food & health. 2) For emotional needs: love of family, friends & community. 3) For the blessing of God’s presence of shalom in our life. The community affirms, “Keyn yehi ratzon” (Let it be so) after each verse. 

May God Bless you and keep you safe from harm. Keyn yehi ratzon. 

May the light of God’s face shine down upon you, and warm you. In that warmth may you find love, compassion and friendship. Keyn yehi ratzon. 

No matter where your steps take you, may you travel in God's presence, and no matter where you travel, may that presence bring you wholeness peace and shalom. Keyn yehi ratzon. 

Shehecheyanu

This prayer is to express gratitude at being sustained long enough to arrive at this moment. 

Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, shehecheyanu, v’kiy’manu, v’higiyanu laz’man hazeh. 

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Sovereign of all, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season. 

Birthday Celebration. 

Now that you officially have your name, your four names that are all very hard to pronounce, it’s time to celebrate your first birthday!

What a year it’s been. Aylan, on the day you were born, Bernie Sanders had just won the Nevada caucuses. There were only two known covid cases in Illinois. It was unseasonably warm with temperatures in the 50s. Most importantly, you had joined us and you were healthy. It was a hopeful time!! We knew you would change our lives in a way we couldn’t yet imagine. We had no idea the world would also change so rapidly.  

Within 3 weeks, life as we knew it pivoted completely as we all sheltered in place to try to stop the spread of covid. We’d enjoyed multiple visitors per day and suddenly we went into isolation and didn’t see anyone in person for nearly two months, not even your grandparents. I am still processing the anxiety and terror of that time as the health and economic crises unfolded, but I do know you were a gift through it all. You kept us sane. You were a joyful distraction from the barrage of bad news, you demanded our focus and our attention keeping us present in the moment with you, you instilled us with wonder and awe, and gave us a sense of purpose in our rapidly changing world. 

You were our rock through a year of political highs and lows. In the summer, we watched as the world responded to the murder of George Floyd with record numbers of people taking part in the  global uprisings that ensued. That same weekend you discovered your ability to laugh and sent our hearts soaring. We had to learn how to hold joy and horror all at the same time. 

In the fall, we defeated Trump, and the future felt more hopeful. The future became brighter yet when Black voters helped Democrats win control of the senate. Yet, that same day there was a deadly insurrection at our capitol. You never knew all that was happening outside the confines of our home. Instead, you demanded our focus and attention and kept us on our toes as you learned to crawl and actively began exploring everything you could get your hands on. Our life with you inside our home always felt like such a sharp contrast to the world around us. Nevertheless, our community here encouraged us time and again to bask in the joy you brought. 

Regardless of the atypical year 2020 was, you had a typical and blessed first year. You were rapidly changing and developing and absorbing the world around you. You did the things that babies do and we marveled at them all. Cooing, Rolling over, sitting up, crawling, pulling up to standing. You ate your first solid foods, and while you were a slow adapter, soon enough you fell in love with food, just like your Dad, and you can’t get enough of it, just like your mom! 

Aylan, when I tell you it’s been a wild year, it is an understatement. 

We have learned to live during a global pandemic. We have found the silver linings of this dark time. We’ve figured out how to safely see family and friends, even if masked, and outdoors and from a distance. We’ve learned how to be your parents. This year, you’ve been able to spend time living with both of your grandparents. And you’ve met people near and far by zoom who love you. You are blessed and we are blessed with this community here to celebrate you today! And we lived to see you through your first year -- something we didn’t take for granted given the health crisis we face. 

So now, let’s join together. Feel free to come off mute to sing Happy Birthday!

We sang. Aylan enjoyed his chocolate cake. We took pictures of everyone who was there. People shared blessings and wishes for Aylan in the chat. 

We shared these FAQs about Aylan. 

AYLAN FAQS (as of 2/20/21)

• Hair color: blond, though it looks strawberry blonde in photos and zoom
• Eyes: grayish
• Weight: ~22 lbs we think
• Height: Unknown, rapidly stretching
• Teeth: 6
• # of naps/day: 2
• Hours he sleeps through the night: 10-12
• Latest development: he pulls up to standing
• How does he moves around: he army crawls
• How does he get along with Nessie: they love each other. Nessie is incredibly patient. 
• His favorite foods: plain yogurt, raspberries, cheerios, sweet potatoes, black beans, kichari, apple sauce, bananas, lentil soup, braised lamb with cumin, coriander & allspice, syrian meat balls, … basically anything we feed him. 
• Favorite songs: Twinkle Twinkle little star, wheels on the bus, open/shut them
• Nick-Names: Aylano, Aylano-Milano-Mint-Milano, Lil Doggie, Baeboo, Baebooski

We concluded:

Thank you everyone for coming. Thank you Rabbi Brant who led the beautiful naming ceremony. We love you all very much. We are so grateful for all the support and love you’ve offered us during this first year of parenthood and Aylan’s life. Have a great afternoon and we hope to see you in person soon!