My Birth Story and How I Prepared
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| Our first day home from the hospital. 2/25/20 |
I don’t think we talk enough about birth in our society, and trends in our current medical system has made natural, unmedicated childbirth so much more rare. Currently in the US, ~75% of women have an epidural. 35% of women who use anesthesia end up with a c-section versus a 3% c-section rate for women who don’t have any intervention. Natural childbirth was the most profound singular experience of my life.
TL;DR version: I invested a lot of time, energy and financial resources into preparing myself physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually for birth. I am blessed to have had those resources at my disposal. I had the birth I wanted – I went into labor at home, stayed home as long as I could, and delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy at the hospital without any interventions or complications -- and for this I am eternally grateful. My labor came on fast and furious and it lasted 5.5 hours (this doesn’t include the 11 hours between when my water broke and when active labor began). The birth, itself, was a euphoric experience for me. I feel tremendously proud and in awe of what my body can do. If you are at all considering having an unmedicated birth, I would highly recommend it and would be happy to talk to you about it. Also, if you are able to, get yourself a doula and take a natural birthing class! Those were game changers in my experience. I wish we lived in a world where this was universally available to women.
A note: I want to be clear that I pass NO judgement on women who want medication to manage the pain (especially now that I’ve been through it). I DO, however, judge our health care system that treats birth as a medical emergency that necessitates intervention rather than a natural process female bodies have done since time immemorial. I understand that there are circumstances where interventions are necessary to protect the health of the mother and the baby. I’m grateful we have this type of modern medicine available and that I had access to it. Many women around the world don’t. I just wish our health care system was built on a foundation that trusted that women's bodies could deliver naturally, and intervened only when there are complications.
This blog entry has two sections: “My Birth Story” and “How I Prepared for Labor and Delivery.”
My Birth Story:
Stage 1: Waiting for labor to begin.
What happened: My water broke at 11:30am on Sat 2/22, one week before my due date, but labor (contractions) didn't begin. After consulting with my doula and doctor, I decided not to go to the hospital since I didn't want to be induced with artificial hormones (don't worry, docs, I was GBS negative). My goal was always to labor at home as long as possible – 1) because it’s more comfortable and conducive to labor and 2) because the longer I labored at home, the less likely it would be for the medical system to intervene in the natural birth process. I tried to rest and lay low since I knew lots of hard work was ahead. Charles, meanwhile, had to switch into high gear – he went and picked up a bassinet from our friends, installed the car seat and made me chicken soup.My impressions: I had very mild cramping, but nothing like what my impression of early labor was from what we had learned in our birthing class (intermittent cramping but you can still function through the contractions). I felt a whole host of emotions. I took time that day to journal. I was excited and scared and curious. I didn’t feel ready. I cried when my doula confirmed that my water had broken. And while I’d had a healthy fear of the pains of labor throughout my pregnancy, after my water broke, all I wanted was for the contractions to begin since there was an increased risk of infection and induction with each passing hour. It was hard to sit and wait and not know when it would start.
Stage 2: Active Labor at Home
What happened: I went to sleep at 9:30pm because we'd learned that labor often begins at night when melatonin and oxytocin levels increase. Sure enough, labor began at 10:30pm. It came on fast and furious. Within 30 minutes of the first contraction, my contractions were suddenly 3-5 minutes apart. I labored at home, mostly on our couch, lying on my side, groaning loudly through each one. Around midnight, my animal brain kicked in and my body took over the laboring process; the thinking side of my brain turned off. Our doula arrived at 12:30am. She applied pressure to my lower back and hips during each contraction. It was an incredible form of relief; it cut the pain just enough to make the contractions bearable. Shortly after her arrival, she assessed that it was time to start moving towards the hospital. I began shaking and threw-up as we began this process. These are signs of entering the transition stage of labor – when you dilate from 8-10 centimeters. Blessfully, we made it to the hospital safely and quickly.My impressions: In debriefing with my doula, we believe my cervix dilated all 10 centimeters over the course of 3.5 hours – from 10:30pm-2am. With every passing day, my memory of labor becomes rosier and rosier, but I remember that the contractions at home were very intense, a pain unlike anything I’d experienced before – pain for a purpose, a transformative pain. My brain has blocked memories of the actual sensation, so I can't describe it. I associated some trauma with these contractions. (Not like the trauma of sexual assault for instance, but still a form of trauma.) In debriefing with my doula, she suggested it could be that my thinking brain was resisting my physical body’s instincts in the labor process. I also think that for me, someone who strives to always be in control, these contractions were scary because I was out of control of my body. Once my thinking brain turned off, I think this became an easier process to experience. I stopped resisting and let my body do its thing.
Stage 3: Laboring Down at the Hospital
What happened: In OB triage, the doctor announced I was completely dilated and the baby's head was at 1+ station. This was the best news to hear after the intensity of my contractions at home. The nurses in triage abandoned their efforts to get 20 minutes of continuous monitoring of my contractions and the baby’s heartbeat and rushed me to the labor and delivery room. However, the doctor from our practice wasn’t there yet. The nurses asked that I lay and rest there for as long as I could, hoping the doctor would arrive in that time. I labored down for an hour, meaning I allowed the contractions to move the baby down to 3+ station, which is when you want to start pushing. This conserved my energy, rather than my having to actively push the baby down. I wasn't supposed to push (though that was sometimes my instinct) and instead just breathe through the contractions. Occasionally, my body would push on its own. I could feel the baby’s head moving down in my body and apply pressure against the opening of my vagina.My Impressions: Interestingly, I have very fond memories of these contractions. Charles and our doula got in a rhythm, giving me sips of water, changing out cool compresses on my forehead, and applying pressure to my back and hips during the contractions. These contractions while laboring down felt more manageable than the ones I experienced at home. I think this is for several reasons: 1) my cervix was dilated, so the pain of dilation was gone; 2) I wasn't anxious anymore about how I'd make it to the hospital; 3) I knew I was completely dilated and the end was in sight; 4) I'd given in and was just letting my body do the work. It was much more manageable is all I remember.
Stage 4: Pushing and Delivery
My impressions: Pushing him out was the most incredible sensation; I was euphoric. Something big passing through and out of my body. My body was flooded with hormones – adrenaline, endorphins, and oxytocin. I felt the most incredible high. Our doula captured the first moments after birth on video. I kept crying out over and over again – "You’re here! He’s here!" He let out his first scream on my chest. I cried in disbelief. I couldn’t believe this One that I had grown and carried inside of me was here. I was in shock. I felt proud and powerful; I was overwhelmed with gratitude for and in awe of the whole experience.
How I Prepared:
Perhaps the best way to reflect on this is to categorize my activities and strategies based on my PIES – my physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual energies.Physical
I am fortunate to have health insurance. This gave me access to a variety of services. The family medicine practice where I receive my primary care, provided routine prenatal care. I was also referred to and received physical therapy. These sessions in the final 6 weeks of my pregnancy focused on treating lower back pain as well as preparing my pelvic floor for labor and delivery. (Women, ask for physical therapy for your pelvic floor both before and after birth!) Charles and I are also fortunate to have the resources to invest in a doula. (A doula’s role is to focus on the woman’s birth experience and help guide her through the labor and delivery process. Our doula says it well here.) Our doula provided me with a circuit of moves I should do to help prepare my body for labor. In the final month of pregnancy, I spent about 1 hour every night moving through the circuit and my physical therapy assignments in order to prepare my body for labor. On top of that, I stayed active to extent that I could throughout my pregnancy. I danced through the first 7 months. I also walked 1 mile every morning with my dog, including the day I went into labor. And I went to prenatal yoga weekly for the final 2 months. I have no doubt all this movement helped. Additionally, Charles made sure I was eating healthy, well-balanced meals.Emotional
Our health insurance also allows me to access therapy. My therapist helped provide emotional support as I moved through various stages of processing my pregnancy, addressing the fear I felt around the pains of labor and delivery, and addressing my general anticipatory anxiety about the changes parenthood would bring. Our doula was a source of emotional support. I was comforted knowing I’d have an advocate in the room who had accompanied over 60 women through birth, someone who could help us navigate the health care system and provide information at different decision making points during labor and delivery should complications arise. It was also a comfort to know there would be someone entirely focused on me and my experience and comfort. Finally, I wrote in my journal frequently during my pregnancy. This is a critical practice for my emotional well-being.Intellectual
There are A LOT of books and articles and resources about pregnancy, labor and delivery. I didn’t have a ton of time for reading (or I didn’t prioritize it). But I did want to learn about the birthing process so I knew what to expect and could advocate for what I wanted within our health care system. The best thing Charles and I did here was take a birthing class through Birthways Inc. (We took the 'Celebrate Birth!' class with Mary Sommers.) I initially thought the class would be about techniques to manage pain during birth. That is not at all what it was about. Instead, it taught us all about the birthing process – what physiological changes have to happen in my body for the baby to be born, how modern medicine approaches birth, and it armed me with language and questions to ask so that I could stick as close to my plan for a natural, unmedicated birth as possible. I also prioritized reading the book Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, which armed me with similar information to what I learned in class. Both the class and the book built Charles' and my confidence, that a woman’s body is designed to labor and that I was fully capable of laboring without medical intervention if that’s what I wanted.Spiritual
Upon reflection, of all the types of energy, I did the least preparation in this regard. I learned late in pregnancy that there is a Jewish tradition for women to go to the mikvah (ritual bath) during their 9th month. I made an appointment for the Monday before I was due, but Aylan was born a week early, before my appointment. I then tried to schedule an appointment for my 40 day mark, another traditional time to return to mikvah, but that was canceled because of the Coronavirus pandemic. Next time, I’d like to invest more intention to my spiritual preparation. This RitualWell piece has some ideas.Thanks for reading! I will never tire of talking about my birth story and hearing other women’s birth stories. I am interested in writing more in this chapter of my life. Let me know if there are topics you’d want to hear my musings on.
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This was beautiful, and especially important to read when we are all being taught to be more respectful of our bodies -- their vulnerability and their resilience.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dana!
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